How do you feel when you realize you have lost touch with the essence of who you are. It happens slowly, so you hardly even realize that some of the deepest parts of your soul have been tossed aside in a pursuit for what you thought was more important. I began this site, as a way to express myself and my belief that we are all divinely connected beings.
I just realized that I haven’t posted in almost 2 years, which coincides with moving back to my home town to “take care of business” and build my home. In that process I lost my connection to that deeper part of me, fell into depression once again and misplaced my favorite qualities.
I was gratefully reintroduced to my own words, as I was searching for some material to share with a prospective teaching position for a local dance retreat. I have been so focused on one way in which I like to express myself that I had laid aside all the others. I had forgotten that I need so much more than just one way, because I have so much to express. The greatest thing I forgot in this detour on my path, was my light. I forgot that it is more important to shine my light than to become a production machine. and getting things done
While the process of building a house is a creative one, it is more filled with to do lists and split second decisions that need to be made for the project to move forward. Oh, and just to be clear; I didn’t actually do the construction, I just managed the process. It became an obsession.
By the end, I had stopped dancing, even just for the joy of it. I had stopped my daily self-reiki practice. I rarely practiced my self hypnosis or listened to a recording. I had definitely forgot all about pilates and spent most of my days working on the computer to further my career, as well as search for the right doorknobs!
Did you know, you have to figure out what frickin doorknobs you want, when you build a house? When you buy a house, those doorknobs are there. So benign! You get what it comes with! But when you build a house you have to think about every hinge and grout color and light switch cover and toilet…do you know how many types of toilets there are? I sure didn’t!!!
I just reread my blog Being Good Enough and realized I had given up on myself. I was so determined to get everything perfect, that I had forgot the real truth….that I am ALREADY perfect, exactly the way I am.
So I am grateful to realize that while I may have taken this important detour, which was extremely necessary on so many levels (but that will be left for another post), I am ready to return to my true essence. My creative essence! My divine essence that is expressed through all of these practices I so love and believe in, including expressing myself through the written word.