Today is Day 66 of I Choose Me, a practice I have done several times now since getting sober over 8 years ago. Each time I have huge revelations. I commit to 90 days of choosing myself first. If you are like me, putting yourself first may seem self indulgent and selfish but what I have realized each time I do this, it means I show up as my best self for myself and others!
When I first started this 90 days, I was actually writing, “I Chose Me” for the first few weeks. It must have been a subconscious attempt to get me to meditate on a deeper truth…this past tense of making a choice….eventually had me contemplating an idea I have always loosely held. Namely, that prior to my arrival on the earth at this point and time, a greater version of myself made a choice to show up as “Me”. Now I have done my best to analyze and figure out what that mechanism is and I could write an entire book on all of my hypothesis but needless to say, I have given up on solving the true nature of reality and have allowed myself the beautiful gift of the Unknown!
Yet, writing I Chose Me, led me to blossom in my gratitude for the being I have shown up as. To open up to an acceptance that Who I am, as Jen, this small human vessel with all of her personality traits, life stories, patterns and experiences is More Than Enough! I am playing my own perfect role as imperfectly as possible so I can inJoy what it means to be the human everyone calls, Jen.
So I realized my subconscious “auto-correct” typo, contemplated it deeply and moved forward to make the daily Choice to continue to show up for me first. This process of revelations that come whenever I have committed and consistently followed through on choosing me, has been amazing for my personal growth.
When I began this 66 days ago, my main focus was on my eating and exercise habits. I decided to quit consuming any sugar including breads & pastas. I was also doing at least 15 minutes of exercise every day. After two weeks, feeling more balanced in my body the focus naturally began to shift. Just the act of writing those words at the top of my journal each morning before doing a quick brain dump, had me focused on my own needs more and more.
I quickly realized that it is easier for me to focus on everyone else’s needs then to take care of myself. An old family pattern popped up that says,
“I believe you only love me if you will go out of your way, sacrificing yourself, to meet my needs without me even needing to ask you!”
and vice versus….I will spend countless amounts of time and energy anticipating Your needs and taking care of them to show you how much I love you.
This new subconscious belief that “me” taking care of “me”, as an act of self love, rather than selfishness and “you” taking care of “you” is healthy. Rather than being enmeshed with each other will feel validated in who I am and feel that “love” is present.
Pretty big realization!!! Of course, I was doing some self hypnosis and listening to recordings that facilitated this type of awareness but it was this practice of sitting every morning and re-commiting to Choosing Me, that even created space for that to appear.
Now that this realization is in my conscious mind what do I do with it?
It also goes along with this daily “I Choose ME!”
I have to re-commit on a daily basis to focus on meeting my needs and to let others take care of meeting their own needs. This may sound simple but for someone who used to be an overly responsible, Type A, people pleaser this is a continued journey. I have been doing additional self hypnosis…which in my world, as a hypnotherapist, this means I take myself through an entire session.
I am happy to say that through this experience, I have recognized that I need to make a concerted effort to grow my own Hypnotherapy business, rather than putting all of my energy and time into growing someone else’s company. I am also happy to say it is getting easier and easier to directly ask for my needs to be met, to meet my own needs first rather than waiting for others to magically intuit what I want and do it for me AND I am meeting my own needs regularly NOW…in just a few months!
If you are interested in meeting your own needs to, reach out to me for private one on one hypnotherapy sessions! And I’ll let you know even more about what I am doing to meet my own needs daily.